I'm often asked, "do your husband's long work hours bother you?" My answer is, "well no, and yes." Let me explain...
Right now Dan is in the middle of his surgery rotation. For the past 6 weeks he's been doing subspecialty surgery--a week of anesthesia, a week of urology, etc. The hours haven't been bad, generally 7am to 5pm with weekends off. However, it's been really hard for me. The reason? Hubby often came home grumpy and unmotivated. There generally wasn't much for him to do except shadow, the attendings weren't very interested in teaching (and some were, forgive me, downright JERKS), he had lots of studying to do but not a good idea of what he should study. So, he was generally stressed out and unhappy, which in turn made me generally stressed out and unhappy.
This week, he started general surgery (which he'll be doing for the next 6 weeks). Hallelujah! The hours are generally "horrible", meaning on a typical day he works from 4am to 7pm. Once a week he's on call which means he works from 4am on day 1 until the afternoon or evening of the following day. No weekends off. He does get one day off in seven, but he doesn't know when that day will be in advance. Have no fear, though, because my Hubby is now HAPPY about his work! Reason: he is a vital, necessary, needed part of the surgical team. The attendings and residents care about teaching and are always "pimping" the students (this odd term means to question the students constantly in order to teach them). He knows what he needs to study. At the end of the day, he's worked his tail off and has made a difference in the outcome of his patient's health. He is motivated.
So precious little time I have with him is GOOD. We are both happy, and not stressed out.
Perhaps the next time someone asks me that question, I'll reply, "It's not about the hours. It's about motivation."
3 comments:
What an interesting topic! I'm 2/3 through a 16 hour day -- Dan was long gone by 7am and won't be home until at least 10 tonight because he had to get his physics final copied and ready this morning then attend graduation (which begins at 8pm and is 35 min away) tonight.
I've made some realizations about how my days go -- when Leo doesn't nap, we're all terribly grouchy because we expect to have the afternoon to play baby-unsafe games but instead, no one gets any downtime. Then lately, I've realized how much cheerier I am on days when I go biking -- I've been bringing the kids to parks and playgroups by bike when possible and it both kills more time than driving and puts me in a good mood.
Dan and I haven't seen much of each other because the kids are so much better when they aren't together, so the few hours Dan is home, we tend to play with the kids in separate rooms to make life easier. And both of us are stressed about the house not selling. In some ways I feel like life will be so much better when Dan's done with school and we move, but I know nothing's a magic bullet.
I'm glad your Dan's been utilized well! One more year at LL?
Amy, I'm sorry things are so crazy w/ the house. I don't envy you that!
I think naps are really important around here too...if Rachel doesn't get one she gets really crabby which makes me crabby!
I hope your summer is relaxing!
For us, 2 more years here, then moving to an as-yet-undetermined location. That will be crazy, but THANKFULLY we are renting, and we might just rent the first year in the new place so we don't have to deal with real estate agents long-distance.
Two more years? Egads, the indentured servitude of the MD/PhD program! Seriously, 9 years? Madness!
Anyway, you know you want to move here, right? Winter, schminter, you'll be fine :)
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