breastfeeding

The first couple days in the hospital were really hard. Rachel latched, maybe once...but most of the time if she got anywhere near me she would arch her back and scream. I cried a lot, and wondered if my baby hated me. This was compounded by my recovering from the c-section and not yet being able to get out of bed...so I couldn't change her diaper either. I just felt like a bad mother :(.

Luckily, we had an awesome nurse who took pity on me when she came in to find me bawling. She went out of her way to get the lactation consultants in here NOW so that we could get Rachel eating.

We saw several lactation consultants, and I forget the order of events. They started me pumping to get my supply going. This was fine with me. Everything I pumped was fed to Rachel either by finger feeding (with the colostrum in a syringe with a long tube, one holds the tube to the edge of ones finger, and then lets baby suck on the finger), or in a Haberman bottle (which is supposed to be the closest thing to the breast.) I was not exactly ok with the bottle, but at least she was getting all the colostrum I was pumping. [Keep in mind that my mom is an NFP/ecological breastfeeding instructor, and so my whole life I've been taught and believed that all artificial nipples, pacifiers and bottles are of the devil. Suffice it to say that since going through this whole experience, I've had to adjust my viewpoint a bit.]

After some time, Rachel was having regular weight checks, and she lost too much weight such that they were really concerned. So they said we had to supplement with formula. This is when I sort of lost it. Everyone's eventual goal was to have her breastfeeding 100%...but this was sort of necessary in the interim...I was told to think of the supplementation as medicine. I sort of despaired. I was ok with having the c-section, but giving my baby formula??? NO. not okay. But I couldn't let her starve either, just because of my narrow viewpoints. At this point, Dan would take care of Rachel during the night--both feeding and diapering--and I would just lie in bed and cry. There was nothing else I could do.

Thankfully lactation consultant #3, Pam, came to see us on Saturday (Rachel was born on a Wednesday). She had me lie down, skin to skin with Rachel, and showed me how to position her for the side lying position. Then, using the nipple shield, suddenly Rachel got it. She latched!!! And fed vigorously. Hooray!! Pam becomes our new hero.

After that, we had some expressed colostrum that we didn't want to waste. Dan tried to feed it to her in the Haberman bottle, but she didn't like it! She wouldn't take it!! Hooray! Rachel likes mommy better than the stupid bottle! Much rejoicing :).

From that point on I refused to give her formula, once I knew she could nurse. I nursed her whenever I could (and by now I could also walk around and change her, etc.) I slept with her in the hospital bed next to me (I couldn't sleep whenever she was in her little bassinet), and she nursed like a champ, but always with the nipple shield. And our sweet nurse said that she could "cross us off her worry list".

The day after we left the hospital, I had an appointment with lactation consultant #4. At the appointment, she did some calculation where she weighed Rachel before and after my nursing her, and calculated that Rachel got 2 oz. Apparently this is a lot. (My milk had come in the day before and was literally gushing from me.) Rachel had also started gaining weight finally. So this was a big praise :). By 2 weeks old, Rachel regained her birth weight, and had gotten rid of her jaundice...so we are all very happy.

Now at almost 3 weeks old, she latches without the nipple shield about 60% of the time. (If she's too hungry and just can't cope with life, then she needs the nipple shield still. That's ok...when mommy gets too hungry she sometimes can't cope with life either.)

Today she went on a super 4-hour long nursing spree. I don't know how many times she nursed on each side, but she'd stop for about 10 minutes and then fuss again. Must be having a major growth spurt. Hooray!

Thoughts: I think the difficulties stemmed from a combination of factors. Rachel was probably sleepy from the anesthesia, my milk probably came in later because of the c-section. There was also some talk of Rachel having a short frenulum (which was later dismissed), and flat/inverted nipples run in my family. Actually I later found out that my mom had the exact same problems with me, and she didn't have a c-section. Mom said that I ate nothing for the first 4 days of my life, and then learned to latch using the nipple shield. I went on to nurse like a champ until age 2. And from your comments I know that John and Peter also had troubles latching but went on to nurse well. So I feel much better to know I'm not the only one, and that the difficulties can be worked through!

I really wish I'd gone to La Leche League before Rachel was born (I was going to go to one on the 20th...but then she came on the 19th. oops) I was under this very naive impression that breastfeeding is easy and straightforward. Ha! Now I know better...but I'm determined to breastfeed in spite of the difficulties, and I'm super thankful that things are going well now. I also need to confess that the pumping, and gadgets and (gasp) bottle and formula were probably helpful...they kept Rachel well-fed enough in the interim to be able to cope with life and eventually latch. And it doesn't look like my supply suffered...I'm still gushing. So, I guess this has been a lesson in God's ways being higher than my ways, and that sometimes my views are too narrow. Let that be a lesson to me. ;)